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At times, Jay Spring feels he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “detached from reality”, he states. You’re riding high and you think, ‘The world will recognize that I stand above others … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are usually succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his actions, leaving him highly sensitive to disapproval from external sources. He began to think he might have NPD after investigating his behaviors online – and subsequently evaluated by a clinician. Yet, he is skeptical he would have taken the label unless he had previously arrived at that conclusion personally. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they experience feelings of superiority. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And that world is like, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

Although people have been identified with narcissism for decades, definitions vary what the term implies the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, noting the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people keep it private, as there is significant negative perception around the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as displaying material goods,” the expert clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Although a significant majority of people diagnosed with the condition are males, research indicates this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, similar to everything in society,” explains a young adult who shares content on her dual diagnosis on social media. It is not uncommon, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with handling criticism and not being accepted,” she shares, since when I’m told that the problem is me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I completely shut down.” Although experiencing this reaction – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the negative conduct of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she says she and her significant other “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures in her youth. I’ve had to teach myself all this time the difference between acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my family members were belittling me in my early years.”

Origins of Narcissistic Traits

These mental health issues tend to be connected with early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting specific standards. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships lasted. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he says. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, struggles with feelings. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his doctor, he was directed to a therapist for an diagnosis and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: “They said it is likely to occur early next year.”

John has only told a small circle about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. All of the people have come to terms with NPD and are looking for support for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the disorder. But the existence of online advocates and the development of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number